Thursday, July 7, 2011

Less is More - The Simple Math Behind Mystique

No, I am not referring to a blue female character from the X-Men series. Just to
clear that up.
This topic has been brought up to me quite a lot lately, from several different
perspectives, so I thought perhaps I could do a (hopefully) brief post about it. Much
like the quote at the head of my blog: "Being powerful is like being a lady. If you
have to tell people you are, you aren't." Lady Margaret Thatcher was both. She was
also an incredibly strong, intelligent woman who used her words and her position
wisely. Through her actions and her sincerity, she became an icon, a role model to
many women of her time.
The same philosophy goes for the "air of mystery" or the "mystique" that some individuals seem to embody almost effortlessly. We have all seen them. We have, on some level, recognized that quiet beauty and unspoken magnetism that comes from true confidence and being comfortable in one's own skin, or even the hint of a dark secret that can be trusted to no one.
It is because of that comfort and the healthy self-esteem that the truly "mysterious" never have to be announced, nor do they feel the need to tell others "I'm mysterious" or "I have an air of mystery."
They simply do not think along those lines, and they feel no need to try to verbally paint an image of themselves to others. Their actions speak volumes. Mysterious people do not seek to be mysterious. They certainly do not seek to be seen by others as mysterious for the simple fact that being mysterious draws attention, and that is the last thing they're looking for.

So a small crash course in what it means to be mysterious.
  • As mentioned above, one does not announce that they are mysterious. It is not a life goal. They usually just prefer to keep people out of their business.
  • Self-confidence feels no need to announce every detail as if seeking approval. It appears indifferent to the attention and attaboys of others, usually because it is.
  • One is mysterious to others only when they do not know much about him or her.
  • Mysterious is not necessarily shy. It does not always cowtow and walk about with a downward gaze, blushing at every instance of eye contact or smile. It can meet others eye to eye, but feels no need for staring contests or other pissing matches to establish the "alpha" position.
  • Mysterious is not prone to flared temper, outright flirting or "showboating".. in fact, the mysterious individual will more often come across as an observer who is half-lost in their own thoughts and a private little world. This appearance of pre-occupation usually conveys a feeling that the private internal world is far more interesting and everything else is a distraction. As humans, most will become curious about this private world, hence.. mystery.
Mysterious individuals tend to be rather introverted by nature, even though many of
them can and do hold their own quite well in large groups and in front of others.
Being able to address a crowd or participate in a conversation does not mean their
personal information is open for discussion. They will often keep on topic better
than most for the simple fact that it is Not about them. And they are more than happy
with that. And be warned, not all "mysterious" individuals even like the idea of being seen that way. Some simply do not intend to share, and will be offended by attempts to pry.
While this "less is more" attitude is very natural to those of a private nature, the
main complaint I do hear is that it is becoming rare in a society where overshare is
the norm. Ironic, then, that many who live for overshare for the sake of attention,
realize the value of being mysterious to some degree, and will announce their "air of
intrigue" to anyone who will listen.
So let me close with a thought... part of the beauty of getting to know people is
what I refer to as "the dance".. that slow process of building a level of comfort
with another. It is getting to know them in stages as well as letting them get to
know you at a pace that is most comfortable for you. Face it, many of us are not ok
with baring our throats to strangers... ok ok... maybe to the tall, dark, mysterious
ones.  Get my point? :)

Until next... Be sure to save a little for later.


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