Sunday, July 24, 2011


I was particularly pleased when this word was brought up several times over the
course of just two days. To be quite frank, I was afraid that the word "demure" had
been bludgeoned to a bloody death some time ago and that only a scant few of us
remained who had any clue what it meant, much less its worth.

Please allow me to share some of the definitions I have found:
Demure (adj.): Synonyms: coy, modest, shy
1. coy: affectedly modest or shy especially in a playful or provocative way
2. the trait of behaving with reserve and decorum
3. quiet, modest, reserved
(Thank you Google and Websters)
Like a host of other words, this one seems to now be considered a colloquialism, no
longer fashionable in today's world of "liberated" and "openly expressive" women. So
then why is it being brought up to me (and others) more and more regularly by both
men and women? Simple. Much like the concept of "mystique", it takes very little
thinking to realize that there is something alluring (another word nearly embalmed
and entombed in the Cemetery of English Vernacular) about a woman who does not show all of her cards up front. There is a certain sense of confidence that comes from any individual who seems comfortable enough with themselves, that they feel no need to advertise.
As one dear friend asked, "What happened to dressing up to look good, rather than
dressing in as little as possible to look ready for the next one?" I have to admit, I
had to nod while laughing. Over the years I have heard a lot of females complain that
they are treated like a toy, an object, or a piece of meat. And as several others
have pointed out, "When you present yourself as such, why be surprised?"
Now there is an interesting argument to this. If one has the figure and the looks to
pull off the fantasy heroine scantily clad look, why not go for it? Certainly
understandable. I think any of us, in the perfect condition would be tempted to do
so, however, there is such a thing as Time and Place. I am writing about that in a
separate piece, soon to be added to the blog.
In brief, if one is going into a situation where they want to be taken seriously,
remember that you are responsible for the non-verbal signals you send. It is
practically impossible to be seen as "mysterious", much less "demure" when your
intial introduction to a person or group involves a look that screams "I am desperate
for attention.. and a sex partner." Clothes do make the man, and the woman.
However, a thought to ponder here... there are certain things in this life, that
unless you are bloody brilliant at damage control, once out there, you can never take
back. It's been said that first impressions are usually right. Perhaps not 100% of
the time, however, it is completely true that you never get a second chance to make
that first impression. What does this have to do with being demure? Allow me to
The demure woman is more concerned with making a complete ass of herself and being
seen as desperate than she is with doing what ever it takes to be popular, to look
popular (or desired), and does not settle. Ever. Her attitude is far from that of
disposability. You wont' often, if ever, hear "Well, if this one is just for now. If
it doesn't work out, there are plenty of others to try." She is in no rush, and takes
her time revealing herself to others once they have earned her trust. (Beginning to
sound a bit like mystique? It is.)
One slight difference between being mysterious and being demure, is that the
mysterious individual has the indifferent attitude down to a science. The demure
woman (yes, this is a woman thing) can and will use the confidence she has in knowing
her level of appeal, to flirt slightly, and pointedly. She is the epitome of "coy"
and does not fish for compliments because she does not need them. However, she will usually be quite gracious in accepting them.) She will test the waters until SHE decides whether or not someone is worth investing more time. She does not go around thinking that she is the Be All, End All of women, but she does know her worth.
Again to a friend's comment, when looking at aspiring models, it is easy to tell the
demure ones from the rest. Demure means having a certain "look" from the shoulders
up. One gaze into the camera reaches through the photo to grab on to the viewer. It
is a Presence that makes the admirer want to know more. She does not start off with
brazen nudity (not to be confused with artistic nudes, but that's a topic for another
day) that screams "Here is everything I have to offer."
I used to think I was alone in my concerns about the rapid decline in demure
behaviour, but as others have shared sentiments similar to those I have voiced above
(and far worse, believe me), I realized it was a topic to address.
I know this all sounds harsh, and perhaps it is, but it is a simple fact. Now if
someone does not wish to be seen as demure, or mysterious for that matter, then by
all means, carry on. It worked for Mae West and Madonna. Neither was going for demure or mysterious. All of womankind has never, at any point in time, been demure. There are those who are, and those who aren't. The brilliance of Diversity is that there is a spectrum and individuals at both ends along with every point in between.
My final message is this... If one wishes to be viewed as something, be it. Be true
to yourselves. Masks are for galas and fancy dress affairs. For those who wish to
bring Demure back into fashion, by all means, live that, and if you are not sure how,
please... drop me a line. We will talk.
Until next....

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